Deadly, sure, but not highly infectious. Im not sure. He probably knows shell be a lousy mother. You deserve more than you are getting but if you accept less you will get less! Of course we have a right to an opinion, even if our opinion is that dirty sluts shouldnt breed. The laws are imperfect because the biology of men and women is different. Oh, and im missing the misogyny in that child support comment. I think I said that about my boyfriend was I was about 15. No one called him a criminal. And they seem to have a lot of time on their hands. Yes, the language in the letter is certainly. I just felt a huge blow of betrayal because I was waiting for him to talk to me again. Run. Because when the woman has a baby, she isnt a slave to anything. Who deserves to have the two people who were responsible for bringing it into the world both contributing to support it. Turns out it wasnt even his kid (thats another story), but she showed up at his work, called him repeatedly in the middle of the night, and physically assaulted his friends girlfriend in a parking lot. At this point I dont think it matters how this woman got pregnant: she did. Especially the children. Bottom line. Not long-winded just a breath of fresh air and reason after the insanity in that letter. There were no hard feelings). Seriously, no wonder so many of are all too stupid to understand where babies come from. April 9, 2012, 1:49 pm. He does nothing about the situation and when I try to talk about it, we never resolve the issue; he just says Im right but does nothing about it because she continues to do it. SpaceySteph Im so glad SOMEONE pointed that out. Cookie Notice But, now hes faced with the unwanted consequences of that choice, and while its unfortunate, its how life works. You want to work on your social skills. Thank God for the laws in place protecting children against men like you. This was even more of a scandal in a small town in the 70s than it would have been today, but she decided to keep the baby. If you cant live with those outcomes, dont have sex with her. I still think the guy is an irresponsible dick, and the LW is acting like a brat, but I dont want to make any assumptions about his activities post the LW when we actually have zero information about it. If her fiance adopted the child, then he is the legal father and she would go after him for Child Support. You deserve each other! He didnt marry you. August 24, 2019, 2:54 pm. April 9, 2012, 1:57 pm. Ok, lets say he has the right to have as much unprotected sex as he wants. If your girlfriend complains that you never take . I dont see why the guy should get a free pass for having unprotected sex. Comparing your own experience to other people's. If you and your partner don't feel like you're getting the love you deserve, one of you could cheat. Not because there was anything wrong with me or because I didnt deserve a father or because I wasnt lovable she was always sure to explain that it was his deficits that kept him from being a part of my life. Like raising a child is easy. A female reader, iz07a +, writes (11 March 2010): my exboyfriend and i have been together for 5 yrs. It's painful to witness when you're still in love with a person, but one of the most common reasons why a person would jump into a new relationship right after a breakup is to mask the pain of it all. lets_be_honest Just sayin. We dont know that she asked for any money. Hold the phone. They wanted the child and now they want to whine about how hard it is? But, you couldnt let him go. I meant post living with HIV that as a correction in that I left the with HIV out of my previous post. April 9, 2012, 3:04 pm, Ill continue playing devils advocate here today He willingly engaged in sex (apparently without a condom) with a woman he knew for two minutes. It doesnt matter whether he wants to be with this woman or not, your boyfriend made half of this baby and has an obligation to be a father figure to it. And before we launch into a discussion of how terrible abortion is, in this case (the LW) were talking about one that is very early on. THERE IS NO CHILD AT CONCEPTION. I think we can all agree that the safest thing for men to do is to simply masturbate alone, while wearing a condom. April 9, 2012, 1:00 pm. The only thing I can say that no one else has so far is, why would she want to trap this man?! So society got together and decided that the biological parents owe a duty of monetary support to children the create. Its HERS, but it does not properly belong to either one of the men. Maam, he didnt waste any time moving on from you. April 10, 2012, 6:56 pm. You know, I was thinking about that, too. Think of the children. illinois obituaries 2020 . But instead, she rushed into a new relationship with some new guy, got pregnant, and appeared completely irresponsible. Its not a comparable situation at all. I was dating my ex girlfriend for 7 months before she broke up with me. And now I couldnt imagine life without my husband, but Im pretty sure Id live through it (and have) if he werent around. Ill give you a hint it turns into a baby. The choice to get pregnant was mutual. I could hypothesize all day and comment on all kinds of things that might be happening but theres enough crap in this letter that it hardly seems necessary to make any up. lol. April 10, 2012, 5:55 pm, Heterophobe, hmmm, thats new one. Sue Jones While I realize that this is a stressful situation, your letter indicates that you will always harbor resentment for this child and this woman who will be in you and your boyfriends lives FOREVER. Wow, thank you so much Lili. Not only was she on the pill, but he wore a condom! female Thats true Yankee vernacular. That is how we got our first kid. He wants nothing to do with his own child. Hes 40 and he doesnt want a child. If you cant handle the though of having a baby, you take precautions (condoms, birth control, vasectomy, abstinence even) and when babies happen, because they do even with protection, you take responsibility for it. I vehemently disagree when it is not in that order. Wether he likes it or not, shes keeping the baby. When he got back together with her, he should have had himself tested for STDs, which hopefully he did. Of course my opinion of her is based on the story he is telling you. April 10, 2012, 9:47 am. I think he was just really scared, and alot had changed in a really short matter of time. Thats taking responsibility for your own choices. April 9, 2012, 7:33 pm. I could maybe understand if he was 19 and didnt know what to do. Why are people here creating scenarios that arent in the letter? I think this would cut down on a LOT of baby mama drama with regards to accusations of women getting pregnant on purpose or trapping me with a baby. Because no matter how much we feminists on here hate that bullshit, it DOES happen. She wants to abort Jimmys baby. If you dont do these things and you end up donating the genetic material for a person that gets born and is running around and youre its dad, you pony up some child support because it took two people to make that kid. I think the fact that he is angry at this woman for not having an abortion speaks loudly and clearly as to his character. P.S. You experience a myriad of emotions, and sometimes, you feel guilty or even blame yourself for why the relationship ended.This is all the more reason why it feels like a big fat kick in the teeth to discover that your ex is an overlapper: s(he'd . Thanks for listening to me. Out of all the cries of sexism being thrown back and forth, that to me truly is sexist, assuming that a mother cannot raise a well-adjusted child by herself. If he cant afford the child support, get away from him as he will be an emotional and financial drain. April 10, 2012, 6:11 pm. Men still lose here, because if theyre they one who wants the child, tough luck, but thats the way it is. Like condoms until you actually know you can trust them. Why should she abort the baby I mean come on. John Rohan And this is the problem with having sex in a non-monogamous relationship and not fully protecting yourself. Wow, youre a real piece of work, arent you. Thats my advice. Im pretty sure we can all agree on that? Should you be frustrated at the situation? Does that change the situation as all? You see being nurturing as a weakness. It's good that he's being a responsible father already by supporting them financially. But the kid is coming, and if your BF is a decent guy, he *should* be there for his child (if he doesnt come around eventually, you may need to consider if hes someone worth being with). It could fail. April 9, 2012, 11:46 am. In my opinion, even if the baby turns out to not be his, hes already shown his true colors; and theyre pretty yellow. John Rohan I told him I wanted nothing to do with him anymore. Thats all well and good except it didnt happen and now theyre in this situation. That my life revolves around this so called love of mine?? Oh, good lord. He is doing alot better. Step back and take a look at what you have told us. by Kara Straight May 11, 2018. I know of a jumpmaster who lost his nose and ears for being too bold doing the one-minute door check in severe cold weather. That is a WAY better scenario than I mentioned above which would be an in and out dad who pays zilch and really fucks the kids head up. That a woman has a right to choose if she carries a child to term or not should nor mean that she has a right to choose how a man spends his money for the next 18 years. Guess what LW? I do think he has a legal and monetary one, which he has stepped up to. The pregnancy pulled you back from the brink. It was definitely his decision too. Just feeding on each other and leaving a trail of human wreckage in their wake. This man seems to be both irresponsible and immature so be glad you can move on and not be stuck with him. I dont know why this posted as a reply to Honeybeenicki I tried to post it separately. Why do you assume everything is so laid back though? It is never said in the letter that he didnt, and the apparent assumption is that, since the woman said she was on the pill, he must not have used one. Why is he such a scummy, awful human being because hes angry with the way this has worked out that hell be on the hook for another human being until who knows when? Whose idea was it to take a break anyway? Pay[ing] for it is responsible, even if its not what the mother of the child, or potentially the child, may initially want. A condoms like 50 cents. I almost lost the fingers on my right hand from it. I find it absurd that there is a debate about this guys right to have unprotected sex as if its ever a good idea. And good for you limiting your preconceived notions to the entire female gender instead. Nothing more, nothing less. I get what youre saying. Because guess what? I have no doubt theyll be happy, healthy, and well-adjusted with a mom so loving as you! Offers may be subject to change without notice. hes signing up for sex, not fatherhood. Is it fair that in cases where neither the man nor the woman wants to continue a pregnancy, only the woman has to undergo a medical proceedure (or even when they want to carry to term for that matter)? My boyfriend broke up with me when I was 10 weeks pregnant. reader, Silent wing+, writes (10 February 2010): A Its because of biology, and a legal system that puts the interests of the child above the interests of the parent. He could've at least waited a week after coming back! A LW comment would at least help me to believe its valid. Of course life is unfair. Or shes financially and emotionally ready to have a baby. Then how does the woman get off require the man to do it? I must be in the minority because oral sex is a regular part of sex btw my husband and I and Id definitely miss it if it wasnt. The child support goes to support the child. If the woman is not required to support a child It merely reduces the chances. April 9, 2012, 3:49 pm. iseeshiny How does your law see that both get what they want? And a grown adult man is well aware of this system when he chooses to have sex. This guy isnt worth anyones time. Even if you had a vasectomy. When you break up, you get the rare opportunity to see your ex's true nature at the worst of times. How on earth do you propose to make any of this even for everybody, including the child? in whether or not a child is a result here is what all you men should do at like age 18 or whatever. But thats a crime?. Im not saying this guy is wonderful by any means. How about if I choose to opt out of THAT? Being on the Pill is akin to saying that youre not interested in having children, so I think its not completely invalid for him to assume she wasnt ready to have children, and to be angry when he ends up being forced into fatherhood.. So sad that anyone would think its even necessary to implement such a system. Just once. Months after we broke up, he would come and go as he pleased. Men get to abandon freely and pay no child support if they dont want anything to do with the kid? lets_be_honest my boyfriend & i have been together for over 2 years (2y 5m to be exact) & i found out i was pregnant about a month ago & at the time i must've been maybe about 2-3 weeks pregnant. Its ironic that some of the same people who fire off insults left and right on this forum, feel so offended when someone simply disagrees with them. Thats the way it has to be. Its not really his right to decide whether or not she keeps the baby. So people got together, decided coke is in the best position to pay if its bottles explode and there you are. For all we know, he used a condom and thought she was on the pill. Aim for the face. But theres a huge amount of anger here over the fact that he didnt, even though theres no statement by the LW either way. It actually makes me very sad. honeybeenicki While it is true he has no obligation to someone hes broken up with, he does have an obligation to not go around making babies with women he doesnt even know. And if by some chance she does get pregnant itll be difficult but theyre going to get married someday anyway so theyll just start their family earlier than planned. April 10, 2012, 7:09 pm. Cut your losses and get the hell out. As for what you do: I personally would ask him to ask the woman to get a paternity test. Ive been in the position where I chose to keep my baby when the father wanted to abort. IF men want to engage in condomless sex and want a choice (which women DONt have btw, we dont TELL our bodies when we want our eggs fertilized and when we dont, I WISH we could that would be such an intelligent design feature!) He might very well be an immature asshole. That was almost two years ago, and we never saw each other, spoke, or texted again. Unless youve been there, you dont know. Chuck Pelto God, Im so glad someone else thought of that word when reading this letter because Ive used that word exactly three times in my life as an insult, and yet I couldnt quit thinking it. Hes scum all around in my book. SEX WITHOUT A CONDOM!!! If he doesnt own up to his part in creating a child, sorry, I think hes a jerk. This does sound like a lot of cod wallop and baby malarky shenanigans to me as well. Only the fools. Malarky. Are you kidding? thats why both parties should be concerned about preventing pregnancy because you have no idea what the other person is doing. Given that youve never met him, how is it that you can be so sure of that? Of course there are the people who assert that others have no right to an opinion regarding birth control, abortion, or other actions. reader, bright.beautifulK90+, writes (24 November 2010): A Im perfectly happy to share my experience with you! Life isnt fair. My boyfriend and I split up for two months. i am currently in an awful situation. Yes, no birth control is perfect, blah blah. It seems like you would be even more concerned about this when sleeping with someone you are non-monogamous with. I have never heard anybody going through an unwanted pregnancy say they didnt take care. You know the risk youre taking when you do the deed. By accepting all cookies, you agree to our use of cookies to deliver and maintain our services and site, improve the quality of Reddit, personalize Reddit content and advertising, and measure the effectiveness of advertising. Also, it delights me that you base your assumptions on general human behavior on the Jerry Springer Show. The point is that no one cares about your guesswork, sunshine. If they dont want to be taken, then they should think before they poke. Dee S. Advocate He sounds wholly unlikable so I think its doubtful she wants anything to do with him, especially now. Its not right Im sure I wouldnt.! I gave him a green flag to make his decision and let him off the hook for any and all care and support, so long as such decision was irrevocable. Then, again you seem a tad immature so maybe you deserve each other. Man, I was having a crappy morning and now I feel SO MUCH BETTER, because Im not this LW. My boyfriend and I lived in different states and after years together, my worst nightmare came true: he cheated on me and ended up having a baby with the other woman. Im a 29-year old mother of two children, and I was in a relationship for 4 years with a man (not the father of my kids), and he has a daughter from a previous relationship as well. So while you were on a break he had unprotected sex with just her or other people too? And I would believe him that he has no interest in her other than convenience. Yes, its shitty. But everyday it breaks my heart knowing I'm not going to be the top priority. "My mom got pregnant from a one-night-stand at 16. I kept waiting for someone to say this. We were back and forth and it was very frustrating for me so I gave him an ultimatum I told him that he either wanted to make it work and we move forward, or, that I was leaving to another city to start over without him. A real man steps up to be there for the baby, more than just money for the baby, and to be there for the mother even if he cant stand her. Not that hes upset about the situation but furious with this woman. April 10, 2012, 7:01 pm. It amazes me how people can say things like That whore slept with my boyfriend! and keep a straight face. Its when a mans sperm connects with a womans egg. Good times. The pill doesnt stop ovulation in all women. It happens, some people are incredibly fertile. Those double standards take up too much room. He had no more to do with the existence of this child then an architect who only provides half the blueprints has responsibility for the existence of the Pentagon. And be aware that nothing short of not having sex is 100% guaranteed to prevent pregnancy. Fortunately, its a well known fact that theres no 100% guarantee with birth control. Hes probably the worlds most prolific internet commenter. Mileage 450. ESSENCE.com is part of ESSENCE Communications, Inc. Because he should have known she could have gotten pregnant! And, you know, your well reasoned logic and stuff. And yes it a double standardoh wait men dont have uteruses, silly me. Its crazy how much abject hatred there is out there. thus why I said troll label aside. 60+ years on this ball-o-dirt and witnessing the madness going on around this place, as well as being an honest-to-God Christian. Seriously, this makes my blood boil. The baby is coming, the product of a two month relationship. Hell of course express things in a way that maximizes the chance of him not doing any more to hurt the LW than necessary. Dr. Sherry, My fianc cheated, we broke up but then got back together. Or pining away for a father figure theyll never, ever have? That support is not hers. The family structure is dynamic and without balance, falls apart. WTH is that?! But were here to offer advice to LW, so I say evanscr05 is right: Dump this loser, yesterday. So he had no obligation to her whatsoever. I dont know why you dont understand that people think this guy is a scum, because he has said that he is going to be a deadbeat dad, and is pretty much taking no responsibility for what happened. First, if you cant live without someone, why did you need a break? I wanted to punch my computer screen while reading this and was so afraid the comments would not say what you are saying. She provided the other half of the set, the construction site, the construction materials, she built the child. She came first. I think difference is ensuring that the child is cared for. and its also appalling that he would order a woman to abort. He was able to find someone else to keep him company. What can you change? April 9, 2012, 2:44 pm. Hes scum because he abandoned a woman he impregnated.. She experiences an allergic reaction and has to be rushed to the hospital. If men abandon a child, you have a child with needs that take precedent over fairness to the abandoning parent. Its a difficult question. And as far as I can tell, it happens an awful lot. female Its not yours to deal with. Here he chose not to wrap it up now he made a child. Find someone without baggage. You deserve better. Your boyfriend made his choice when he had unprotected sex. Nope. Men will never have to make that choice. Oh, and I dont hate women who get child support. But even though I led you to think I didnt want to become pregnant, Im going to keep the baby and thereby obligate you to two decades of child support, is, while totally within her rights, still a massive breach of the pre-coital understanding, express and implied, between the parties. Its not fair to create more fucked up human beings by being the father a kid never had; by making them think theres something about them that wasnt good enough. Otherwise were looking at an extremely improbable event which the woman in question was able to predict with uncanny accuracy. Scenario 2. They were broken up so he had no obligation to the LW. Here are five hard truths every "other woman" should know: 1. April 9, 2012, 7:03 pm, Wait, whoops, no. I get from the tone of your letter that you are bitter. April 9, 2012, 5:19 pm, Its easy to think the guy is a scumbag for not wanting to be a dad. When we got back together we had a lot of trust issues and found it hard to forgive one another. TheQuietOne April 10, 2012, 2:42 pm. I doubt the conversation went like: Please have an abortion. It upsets me how much anger seems to be directed towards this unborn child. Anytime you have sex, theres a chance you could get pregnant, no matter how careful you are. April 10, 2012, 7:15 pm. And realize that when you have sex, you could very well get someone pregnant. I cant tell you how many children have grown up thinking something was wrong with THEM because they had a parent who didnt want them. Only men-children would not use a condom in this situation. Because the bf in question was part of the creation of the child. Steve Kellmeyer The dude having sex is not my issue. April 10, 2012, 7:35 pm. It is possible to get pregnant while on the pill, it happened to three women I know. -Wants nothing to do with his own child. Why you waste any time belly aching about how unfair it is, is beyond me. Dont choose to roll those dice if you cant cope with all of the possible outcomes. So much that he demanded his interim girlfriend get an abortion. Youre taking something he is saying pre-child and assuming that it is the reality of what will happen post-birth. For the woman to turn around after the fact and say, Whups, knocked up! LW, why in the hell would you want to get with this guy right now? If he doesnt do this, and the woman gets pregnant anyways, he needs to show maturity and be responsible for his decisions. That is not acceptable. James Felix any story where a man was forcibly stopping someone from getting an abortion- Yes, that is terrible of the man in question. You have no idea what youre talking about, with regard to child support. Adoption is a completely different matter. Hes scum for directing his fury at anyone other than himself. The only ones who dont are the ones who dont ask for it and/or whom the court deems is unable or unfit to. I have nothing against casual sex or sex without a relationship, but you should still have some sort of base level of respect for the people you are banging. from the letter: Why is it that she gets to have his child and not you? As a dude, this letter brings up several thoughts. Steve Kellmeyer You are arguing for NO abortion in cases of rape. And he shouldnt, either. Ill never understand the chicks who want to blame/curse/fight the other woman like the dude has no part in the whole mess. Ill never in a million years get it. You and the baby are the victims. Thats the responsible thing for anyone to do after having unprotected sex and before beginning a new relationship. What would you tell your girlfriend or sister if they were in the same situation is always a good go-to. I dont think he is a bad person for telling a woman within the first trimester of a pregnancy that he barely knew and presumably made no false impressions to that he did not want a child and had no intention of being a part of that childs life.
Skagit County Fatal Car Accident,
How To Reconnect Hardware Device To Computer,
When Was The Last Tornado In Springfield, Mo,
North Wisconsin District Lcms Vacancies,
Articles W